


I'm Not Losing You Again

by CyanCiar24



Category: A New Beginning - Fandom
Genre: Confusion, Flashbacks, M/M, Nightmares, Running Away, Yelling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyanCiar24/pseuds/CyanCiar24
Summary: Ray was taken, but now he's back. Caden has nightmares, they both do. Can these two make it through Ray's fits of confusion and gripping flashbacks, or will their once immovable relationship die?





	1. In the Dead of Night

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based off a roleplay that my friend and I started a while back. I have not finished writing the actually story of the roleplay, so I know some of this may not make sense, but I promise to explain everything that you would know in the original story.

Caden sat up in bed, panting and sweating.

"What's wrong?" Ray asked, waking up instantly.

Caden shook his head and said, "It's nothing, go back to sleep."

Ray looked up at him from his laying position. "Caden, what it is? What's wrong?"

Caden sighed and hung his head and felt Ray sit up and hug him. "I keep having nightmares."

"About?"

"You. I keep seeing-" He took a steadying breath. "I keep seeing you when I found you after you were taken, but...but you're dead instead."

Ray squeezed his shoulder gently. Ray had been kidnapped from their house in an attempt to get Caden to come to his captors and save him. Reapers - dark angels sent to Earth to protect humans from demon threats - had the ability to find the Forbidden Weapons that had been sent across the planet and buried so none could use them.

Caden had gone to save Ray and killed everyone in his path, not hesitating for a moment. He had found Ray in a concrete room, laying on the floor covered in bruises and cuts, skinner than he had ever been in his entire life. Caden had taken him home, and with the help of his older sister Claire, had nursed Ray back to health.

Caden had repeated nightmares about that day, about what he could have found instead of his precious lover laying on the floor in a pained state.

Ray ran a comforting hand up and down his back. "Don't think about it, just think about us, where we are now, Claire, the twins, anything, but don't think about that."

"It's not that easy Ray."

"I know," Ray sighed. "I think about it too, no matter how hard I try not too."

Caden looked over at the younger boy and studied him. He had gained weight and looked like he had before he had been taken. He was quiter and flinched at loud noices and sudden nearby movements, but he had regained his happy, upbeat demeanor, and Caden was greatful for that. He hated seeing Ray upset.

He leaned down and kissed him. "I love you," he whispered. "I swear, I will never let anyone hurt you again."

Ray smiled softly and kissed him back, saying, "I know. Now come on, let's try and get some sleep."

Caden nodded and they laid down together. Ray laid across Caden, an arm draped across the other's chest and held him closely, afraid he would leave, but Caden wouldn't leave tonight. Normally, Caden would leave the room at night if he woke up from nightmares, while Ray would lay in bed and not move or speak, barely even breathing.

Caden smoothed down his hair and kissed the top of his head. "Get some sleep."

"I love you," Ray mumbled, already half asleep.

Caden smiled. "I love you too."


	2. Will the Nightmares Ever End?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caden's nightmare has passed, but now it's Ray's turn. His nightmares feel real, and to him, they are. He thinks he's fighting the people in his dreams, but he's really fighting Caden instead. Will these nightmares ever end?

Caden had fallen back asleep peacefully, but the nightmares had jumped from him to Ray. Ray clung onto Caden with an almost death grip. He whined and let go, rolling away. It was amazing that Caden was still asleep, he always woke up when Ray made noises in his sleep.

_The floor was cold and hard under Ray's back. His mouth tasted like blood and his side and cheek ached from where he had been hit. He stared blankly at the ceiling, not even looking over when the door to the room opened._

  _"Get up." It was Jade._

  _Ray struggled to stand but managed and stood up to stare at the older boy._

  _Jade walked up and punched him, making Ray cry out in pain as he felt more blood rush into his mouth. Jade pulled a knife out of his pocket and walked up to Ray, pushing him up against the wall and pressing the blade against the younger boy's throat._

  _"Stop, please." Ray started crying. "Please, stop."_

_Jade growled and threw the knife on the ground before he pulled Ray away from the wall, shoved him to the ground, and got on top of him._

  _Ray thrashed under him. "No! Not again!" He tried to push the other off of him, but his wrists were grabbed and pinned above his head._

_"Shut up," Jade growled in his ear. "Just shut the hell up."_

  _Ray whimpered and laid still, but when Jade started to pull off his clothes he started fighting again. "Get off!" he yelled, trying to shove the other boy off. "Get the hell off of me!"_

_"Shut up!" Jade yelled._

_Ray whimpered and let his shirt be torn off and his pants undone. He yelled when his shoulder was bitten roughly._

_"Ray..." The voice was distant and far off. "Ray, wake up. Come on, come back to me."_

"NO!" Ray screamed and started clawing and trying to push off the person who was shaking him. His eyes were still closed, trapped inside the gripping nightmare.

Caden's heartbeat picked up at seeing his partner in so much pain and fear. He winced slightly when Ray scratched his arm but he ignored the pain. "Ray, wake up," he tried again, shaking him. "Please Ray."

"Jade, get off!" Ray screamed, tears streaming down his face.  

Caden's breath caught in his throat and he knew he had to wake the other one up. "Wake up, please," he pleaded, holding back his own tears. "Please Ray..."

Ray let out one last scream before he shot up right in bed, panting and sweating.

"Ray," Caden said quietly.

Ray yelped and jumped, turning to see Caden sitting next to him. He stopped and looked around him, taking in the scene. Caden looked panicked and scared. The room was dark, and there was a bed under him. Home. He was home. That's where he was.

He choked before he let out a sob. "Caden... Caden, I'm so sorry," he sobbed, curling in on himself. "I'm sorry."

Caden moved and pulled Ray into his lap, smoothing down his hair and speaking quietly. "It's okay Ray, it's not your fault."

Ray gripped onto the arm that was wrapped across his chest and sobbed even more. "I'm sorry." He kept repeating the words over and over until they were nothing more than a whisper which soon turned into silence.

Caden held onto him long after he had fallen asleep and even after daybreak signified a new day. 

_When will they end?_ Caden thought to himself, trying to keep the anxiety from getting to him.  _When._


	3. An Afternoon in the Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caden and Ray had decided to leave behind the night's terrors and go to the small family garden.

“Let’s go to the garden,” Ray said, coming up behind the couch and resting his chin on top of Caden’s head. “It’ll get us out of the house and we need some more food anyway.”

 

Caden smiled into his book. Neither one of them pretended that the nightmares they had encountered the night before didn't exist, they just chose not to speak of them. They always did. “The garden sounds nice,” he said. Putting his book down Caden stood up and they walked hand in hand to the small garden his younger siblings Nina and Nico had made in the middle of their small congregation of houses. Everyone helped take care of it and everyone was welcome to take what they wanted.

 

Ray went around and picked tomatoes and other small vegetables that he could use for dinners.

 

Caden watched Ray, amused. Even though the nightmare had left him so scared the night before, Ray went on as if nothing had ever happened, and Caden admired that about him. It was still visible in his movements and moments of silence that the nightmare and the people in it still terrified him, but he had gotten better at hiding it, a trait he had picked up from Caden. Caden was so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard Ray come up behind him and place a crown of flowers on his head. 

 

Ray giggled. “Now you don’t look so serious.”

 

Caden raised his eyes but didn't move his head and let Ray walk in front of him. “Did I really look that serious?” he asked.

 

Ray shrugged. “No, you looked more concerned than anything, but I thought the flowers might make you smile a little.”

 

Caden did smile. He took the ring of flowers off his head and put them on top of Ray’s before he kissed him. 

 

“What is it?” Ray asked quietly, looking up at him.

 

“I missed you,” Caden admitted quietly. “And it drives me mad that I couldn't have been there sooner, and I want to rip someone’s throat out when I think about what they did to you.”

 

Ray smiled slightly. “At least I can take comfort in knowing that they would have suffered.”

 

Caden smiled himself. “They did. All of them, and I don't feel an ounce of guilt for it either.”

 

Ray nodded. “I know.”

 

They stood in quiet silence, holding each other and breathing in the other’s scents. 

 

“Let’s go home and I’ll make dinner,” Ray said, changing the subject.

 

Caden nodded and let him go. “That sounds good.”

  
Ray grabbed the basket he had filled with the garden’s fruits. “Come on.” He went over and grabbed Caden’s hand and lead him back to their house. He hummed some small tone he made up on the spot and Caden watched him in amazement the whole way there.


	4. Trent's Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trent doesn't like Ray in the least, so what happens when he comes for a visit?

“Trent’s coming over for a little while. Claire is sending him over because she's going to take Carli out for a bit,” Caden said, coming up beside Ray and kissing his temple.

 

Ray nodded as he made some lunch. “Alright, that's fine.”

 

Caden watched him carefully. Neither one of them had had nightmares in a couple weeks, and Caden was grateful for that, but he was worried that Trent coming over might trigger something in Ray and start them over again.

 

Trent had never gotten along with Ray. No one knew why and Trent never gave any explanations, but whenever he was around Ray he did what he could to upset him, and he only ever stopped if Claire was with him. 

 

“I can ask Claire to take him with them,” Caden told the other as he grabbed plates for the food. “I know you two don't get along very well.”

 

Ray shook his head and smiled at Caden. “No, it’s okay, I don't mind if he comes over.”

 

Caden stared at him for a moment before he slowly nodded and handed the plates to Ray. He could tell Ray wasn't being completely honest. He did have a problem with Trent coming to their house, but he was being civil and agreeing to have him over anyway.

 

Ray served the food and they went to sit at the kitchen bar. “So do you like it?” Ray asked when Caden didn't speak.

 

“Of course I do, I love everything you make.”

 

Ray blushed and ducked his head. “You don't have to flatter me.”

 

Caden smirked and leaned forward, getting in Ray’s face. “If I wanted to flatter you, there are much better ways for me to do it,” he said, purposely making his voice deep.

 

Ray blushed even more and gently shoved Caden which caused the other one to chuckle. “I'm trying to eat, none of that right now.”

 

“Aw, come on, don't be like that.”

 

Ray sighed, relenting. “Maybe tonight.”

 

Caden smiled. “I win.”

 

Rat spun to look at him. “No, you didn’t, I said  _ maybe,  _ I didn't say  _ yes.  _ There's a difference.”

 

Caden pretended to pout. “You're so mean to me.”

 

Ray crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at the other boy. “Don't start, you're always the one who gets me to agree to stuff.”

 

Caden chuckled and nodded. “That is true.”

 

Ray went to say something else but there was knocking at the door before it was opened. 

 

“I'm leaving Trent here,” Claire - Caden’s older sister - said, coming into the kitchen were the two boys were. 

 

Caden nodded. “Alright.”

 

Ray hopped off of his stool and bent down to pick of Trent’s little sister Carli. “Hey there princess, what are you up to?”

 

Carli giggled. “Claire and I are going to go look for some new clothes and toys.”

 

Caden smiled and ruffled Carli’s hair in passing as he went to talk to his sister in private.

 

“Well that sounds fun,” Ray smiled. 

“Will you put her down?” Trent said, an edge to his voice.

 

Ray looked up and saw the other boy at the opening to the kitchen and his face slightly drained of color. “Sure,” he whispered, and placed the small girl back on the ground. 

 

Carli walked over to her brother and reached her arms up. “I want up,” she said.

 

“No time for that little one, it’s time for us to go,” Claire said, cutting off Trent before he spoke. She picked up the younger girl and smiled at everyone before she left all of the boys alone.

 

“I'm getting a book,” Ray muttered, and walked into the back.

 

Caden watched him leave before he turned his attention to Trent. “Can you please act civil for once?” he asked, looking him up and down. “He's actually been getting better and I would appreciate it if you didn't mess it up.”

 

Trent shrugged like he didn't care. “I didn't do anything, all I asked was that he put my sister down.”

 

Caden clinched his jaw. Why did Trent have to be such an ass? “You weren't kind about it,” he said once be could speak without snapping. 

 

Trent shrugged. He clearly didn’t care. “Sorry.”

 

Caden sighed and ran a hand through his raven hair. “Why don't you sit down and watched TV or something.”

 

Trent shrugged again. “Sure.” He wandered off into the living room and Caden went back into the bedroom to find Ray.

 

Ray looked up from his book with a glazed look on his face when Caden entered the room. He blinked and it took him a moment to realize who it was. “Oh, hey,” he smiled.

 

Caden went and sat on the armrest of Ray’s recliner, rocking the chair a little. “Hey. What are you reading now?”

 

Ray had gone back to reading and hadn't heard him. It wasn't unusual for Ray to zone out whenever he read, so Caden had learned to work around it. He placed his hand in the middle of the pages to get his lover’s attention. 

 

Ray sighed and looked to the side. “I'm not hiding,” he mumbled. But it was a lie and Caden knew it. 

 

Caden leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “Yes you are.”

 

“And if I am?”

 

Caden closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the top of Ray’s head and breathing in the scent of his shampoo. He always smelled nice. “I don't want you to hide,” he said quietly. 

 

Ray fell quiet, not knowing what to say. 

 

“I know he can be a jerk –”

 

Ray snorted.

 

“But why don't we see if we can get him to do something with us.”

 

“Like what?” Ray wasn't being mean, he was defeated.

 

“I'm not sure, but we can find something.”

 

Ray sighed. “Alright, but only because you're the one who suggested it.”

 

Caden smiled and stood up, holding a hand out to Ray. “Come on then.”

 

Ray smiled slightly and took the outstretched hand.

 

The pair walked back out to the main part of the house where Trent had decided to get himself something to drink.

 

“Why don't we spar?” Caden suggested. The other two boys stared at him and he shrugged. “I thought it would be something we could all do together.”

 

Trent laid down his cup of water and stretched his arms. “Sure, I don't see why not.”

 

Ray shrugged when Caden looked down at him. “Okay,” he said softly. Caden squeezed his hand to reassure him and Ray smiled up at him.

 

Trent snorted and walked towards the backyard. Caden and Ray followed and the three made a triangle. 

 

“This is practice, so we aren't aiming to injure anyone,” Caden stated, directing a pointed look at Trent. 

 

Trent raised his hands in defence. “Alright, alright, no injuries.”

 

Caden smiled. “Good, now let’s start.”

 

Trent lashed out at Caden the second he stopped talking and Caden raised an arm to block. Ray came up behind Trent and aimed a light punch at his lower back, moving back in time to keep from getting hit in the face by a foot. 

 

Caden directed a punch at the smaller boy and he dodged, crouching low and sweeping his leg out to tap the other’s. Caden smiled. “Good one, you're getting a lot better.”

 

Ray smiled up at him, soaking in the praise. Neither one noticed Trent come up behind Ray. He smirked and clapped loudly next to Ray’s ear.

 

Ray let out a shout and curled in on himself. Memories flashed  across his mind in seconds and he was sucked into one of the most violent ones before anyone knew what was happening.

 

_ Ray gripped his shoulder and let out a scream. Blood was pouring out around his fingers and he started trembling. He’d been shot, well and truly shot. He looked up and saw Luke standing in front of him, the gun still pointed at him. _

 

_ “I can do a lot worse than that,” the other man growled. “But I won’t have to if you tell us where we can find Caden.” _

 

_ “I don't know!” Ray yelled at him, tears streaming down his face from the pain. “Isn’t that the whole damn reason why I'm here? So you guys can get him to come here.” He yelped and stumbled back when another shot was fired and bits of concrete hit his legs. He screamed when his shoulder hit the wall as pain shot throughout his entire body. _

 

_ “Just shut up at tell us where he is!” _

 

_ “I don't know!” Ray shouted, biting back a sob. “And even if I did know, I wouldn't tell someone like you! I would rather die than tell you where to find Caden.” _

 

_ Luke walked up and pressed the gun to Ray’s temple. “That could be arranged,” he snarled.  _

 

_ A door opened behind him. “Luke, get out,” someone said. “You’ve done enough damage today.” _

 

_ Luke growled in frustration about being called away before he backed away from Ray and headed towards the front of the room. “You’re lucky,” he spat. “But you might not be so lucky next time.” He slammed the  door behind him and left Ray in complete darkness. _

 

_ Ray slid down to the floor and cried out against the pain in his shoulder. He couldn’t tell if it was a fatal shot or not. He hoped it was, because then he wouldn’t have to go through anymore pain. _

 

Caden watched Ray curl up in a ball and start crying. He didn't know what was going through Ray’s mind, and he wasn't totally sure he wanted to know. He kneeled down beside him and pulled him into a hug.

 

“What's wrong with him?” Trent asked.

 

“Go inside,” Caden growled, glaring up at him. Anger had turned his deep purple eyes to black. “Shut the fuck up go inside.”

 

Trent glared back but left silently, slamming the door behind him. 

 

Caden turned his attention back to the crying boy in his arms. “Ray,” he said soothingly. “What's happening?  What's going on?”

 

Ray shuttered and grabbed onto the shoulder that had been shot. “He had a gun,” Ray choked out quietly, making Caden lean down to hear him. “He had a gun, and he...he shot me.” Ray shuttered and let out a sob.

 

Caden pulled him to his chest and rubbed his back. “Shh, it’s okay, I'm here now. They can't hurt you anymore.”

 

Ray cried for what felt like forever, and eventually the Sun started to set over the horizon and Claire had come back with Carli. She found the two missing boys in the backyard and carefully walked over to them.

 

Caden’s head snapped up and he held Ray more closely when he heard movement. 

 

Claire stopped and stared at her brother before she looked down at the boy in his arms. Caden shook his head and she nodded. Wandering back inside she picked up Carli and grabbed Trent’s arm, roughly pulling him back to their house while she lectured him.

 

Ray finally stopped crying after nightfall and Caden helped him to stand. Neither one of them spoke as they went inside and shut off all the lights before going back to their bedroom and laying down.

 

Caden held Ray against his chest and whispered comforting words to him until he fell asleep. When Ray’s soft breathing indicated he was sleeping, Caden looked out into the darkness of the room like he was trying to find answers somewhere in the silence.

 

His eyes started stinging and before he could comprehend what was happening, he started crying. 

 

Ray was his whole world; everything he did was for him, but he had failed to protect him. Ray had been taken from him and he had been powerless to stop the harm that had come to him while he had been imprisoned, and he hated himself for it. 

  
_ I should have been there, _ he thought.  _ I shouldn't have left him alone that day. _ He repeated those words to himself for over an hour until he finally fell into a fitful sleep, holding tightly the person he loved most in the world.


End file.
